Angel Babies...

I began reading Jodi Picoult when I was in college.  Disabilities Literature class my Jr/Sr year of college was one of the most intriguing classes I've ever taken.  We had to read "My Sister's Keeper" and that was that; i was hooked on Jodi's books.  Since then I've read a ton of them.  I anticipate them being released and when I have time, I'll go back and read one of her older ones.  They're the only books that I actually take time and read for fun.  So for the past 2 months I've been anxiously awaiting the release of her newest book, "Sing You Home".  I didn't really know a ton about it except the controversial isssue it was talking about was same sex marriage/parenting.  I began reading it this past weekend while I was judging in Arkansas...

Within the first 10 pages I knew this book was going to be super hard for me to read... It's about a woman's struggle with infertility and the heartache of a miscarriage.  I wouldn't necessarily say that Rob and I experienced "fertility issues"... we wanted a 2nd baby and we began trying- unsuccessfully for about 6 months.  This seemed like an eternity to us since we had conceived Sam while on birth control and had no desire for a baby at the time.  We then found out we were pregnant and it was like I could finally breathe again.  We were so excited... until the morning I was 10 weeks pregnant and knew instantly that it had ended. 

The flood of emotions is not even something I could begin to describe to someone who hasn't gone through a miscarriage.  It's something I've not spoken about to ANYONE up until the past few months.  As I was reading this book there was a part that struck me so profoundly that I began crying (alone in my hotel room) because it was so real to me.  In the book, the woman is speaking to a friend 2 months after she's lost the baby and she laughs out loud about something and then quickly hides her face and composes herself.  Her friend reminds her that it's okay to laugh sometimes and she responds with "I feel like it's not.  Like it means none of this mattered to me".  This moment in the book made me go back to the moment I found out I was pregnant with Maicey.  It was only a month after the miscarriage and I found myself feeling something other then heartache for the first time in weeks... and I was guilty about it.  I was so excited that God had given me another chance to carry a baby, but it still didn't take away that emptiness in my heart for the baby I lost.  I felt like I'd be betraying the memory of our Angel Baby if I whole heartedly accepted this new baby in me.  It was something I struggled with for months.  

A lot of people were there for support when I went through that time in my life, and I'm so greatful to them.  I'm sure I'd have never gotten through it without them.  I mean no disrespect to them when I say this, but unfortunitely nothing any of them could say could take away the pain that I had.  Not one of them knew what I felt like when I woke up in the morning and felt like I couldn't even breathe.  None of them stop every year on December 9th and wonder what that baby would have looked like.  It's still a struggle for me... but of course if that angel had stayed with me, we wouldn't have our Maicey... who I wouldn't trade for the world.  So now I get them both... one I can hold in my arms, the other just in my heart. 

The second "loss" (which I've always found to be an ammusing word to describe a miscarriage... it's not like a set of keys or something) I didn't know about until well after it happened.  When I went back for my 6 week check up after Maicey was born, my midwife said to me, "we got the lab results back and found that Maicey's twin "expired" somewhere in the first trimester."   That was unexpected... and as I attempted to process, Maicey began screaming in her car seat- and it made perfect sense.  There was no way in the world I could possibly handle two of her...  The only way that I know to describe the difference between the two miscarriages is this: Imagine finding out that you were passed up for a job a year ago that you didn't even know you were being considered.  It stings a little, but you move on.  In contrast imagine preparing for an interview, getting your resume polished, and picking out your furniture to put in the new office.  Then being offered the job only for it to be taken away in a poof.  Now, obviously in heart I love both of those angels the same... I just had a different connection with them.  Jodi Picoult says in her book "You have to understand what you're missing to know what you've lost"... couldn't have said it better myself Jodi :)

I never thought I'd post about this... I have tried for 4 years to keep this story to myself, because I can't stand the thought of bringing up these emotions again, but strangely enough I'm feeling a little lighter now.  I guess it's because even if no one reads this post, I will still know it's always here; sort of like my angel babies on my heart...

Another manic monday...

Motivational Monday #2

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

Harriet Tubman

I get the pleasure of working with "dreamer's" every day. I adore seeing kids come in here at 4 years old and tell me their wonderful dreams of being a dance teacher, Hannah Montana, and a animal doctor, and then when they're not busy they want to be Ariel too :) Somewhere along the lines however, some of these kids lose that fire and settle for so much less then being everything they aspire to. Some of them however, continue to keep those dreams alive and well (although redefined for the most part), and remind me how lucky I am to have had such big dreams when I was little...

Enjoy your manic Monday... and if you're not busy, put a little motivation in someone's day :)





Here, There, Everywhere...

Here's my schedule since New Year's Day... Normal teaching schedule and studio "stuff" schedule, Platinum season in full basketball swing til Feb 10th, I choreographed the North Scott musical, plus on the weekends I have had, January CRAZY rehearsal weekend, another crazy weekend of rehearsals and solo rehearsals, plus Maicey's birthday party, yet another weekend of solo rehearsals, competitive solo dress rehearsal and group recital, UDA nationals in Disney World, outside choreographers coming in for even more flipping rehearsals, our first competition in Cedar Rapids, our second competition in Davenport.... deep breath in.


This weekend I'm judging in West Memphis, Arkansas for Star Systems.  Judging has always been one of my favorite parts of my job.  I love traveling the country and seeing what new things are happening.  New trends in costumes, choreography and teaching styles keeps me current and on my game and it also gives me a great chance for networking.  I love giving advice and feedback as I know how important it is in this industry.  It also gives me a chance to just get away from the crazy midwest and be a professional in this field.   I don't necessarily love the 14 hour days, the hotel rooms, and especially being away from my heart and soul that's waiting for me at home.  I keep thinking as the kids get older it'll be easier to leave them on these weekends because they'll understand.  They'll be okay without me for a weekend... I'm wrong.  As they grow it's becoming harder to leave them.  I hear them on the phone asking me when I'll be home.  I listen as they play and don't have time to talk with me because they're too busy having fun with Daddy while I sit alone in the hotel room.  It's the hardest part of this job, but let me tell you, when I meet them at home tomorrow, it'll also be the best part.  Absence only makes the heart grow fonder, right??

So when i arrive home tomorrow I have another full week of craziness.  Catching up on business work, teaching classes for the week, sam starts tball on Tuesday, and then I judge again next weekend... But then, the glorious, well deserved, wonderous SPRING BREAK.  I've vowed that no matter what I'm going to spend at least 75% of my spring break AT HOME, with my family, cleaning drawers in anticipation of warmer weather, and putting out Easter decorations, and just remembering what it's like to not be pulled in 49 different directions.  I'm going to savor every moment because after that glorious week of break, I judge another weekend, two more weekends of my own kids competitions, another weekend of judging, EASTER!!!, evaluations and conferences, and then the craziness of summer can begin... I am so lucky I love my job.

Now I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.  I'm gonna stop and try to take a breath before I get overwhelmed again...

Thankful Thursday

Some days I just want to let people know how thankful I am for them.  So I'm going to attempt to do a Thankful Thursday every week until I've thanked them all... it may take til I'm 40, but that's okay :)

Today's tribute is to where it all began...

My parents have been the building blocks in which I've built my life upon.  I grew up in the same town I live in today... for no reason other then I can't imagine living without them 10 minutes away.  I grew up in a small but cozy condominium with my parents and sister.  Both parents had amazing jobs that provided for every need and almost any want that I could possibly think of as we grew up.  They put me in dance when I was just a two year old hellion, and if we've calculated correctly they could have bought a small island with the money they "invested" in my dance career.  That still continues today as they are actively involved in my studio.

My mom is the diplomatic one... "Kimberly, let's weigh our options here..." She's the one I'd cry to in the car about how unfair the world is and I'd simply get the response "it's a tough lesson isn't it?".  She was also the first one at bat for me if she felt it was necessary.  She was the one who took me shopping for my Easter dresses, my prom dresses, my wedding dress, and now all of my children's clothes.  She couldn't imagine for a moment anyone else being the one to experience that.  She was the first person I told when I knew I loved Rob... she was the first person I told when I miscarried our "angel baby".  She's been there through it all... every high and every low.

My dad is the spontanious one... "You're grounded until your 34!" He's the one who'd decide one morning we were going on an elaborate vacation and no one could stop him (he's still like that a bit... can you say YELLOWSTONE?)  He was the parent that never asked me to talk about what had hurt my feelings because he knew when I was hurting and couldn't handle watching me cry.  He was the one that would remind me quietly after he bought me ice cream not to let Mom know.  He's the one that taught me that "tough times don't last, but tough people do"  It's no secret I've always been a bit of a daddy's girl... until my kids came along and have nusseled their way into that spot of "opa's" heart :)

They are so different, but the best team of parents anyone could ever have.  So on the first Thankful Thursday, I can't imagine thanking someone different.  Thank you Mom and Dad for being a shining example of love, commitment, and compassion.  If Rob and I can be half the parents you were, our kids are pretty dang lucky.

Some pretty talented kids...

This is sort of going to look like I'm reposting my post from last week around this time... however it's most certainly ANOTHER competition that ATB rocked at. 

If I honestly had to list all of the amazing awards we won we'd be here all day... so I'll highlights some of them:

First of all we won the highest honors possible: the Sportsmanship award.  We were voted on by the staff of the competition on the friendliness of our staff, the sincerety of our dancers, and also on following the rules of the competition.  It is one of the best awards, because it's not saying we're great dancers, it's saying we've raised great human beings.  The kids were all so happy to have won this award.

We also took home 6 choreography awards, just a testiment to the amazing people I have working for me :)  This is just part of the "Dream Team"  This is the part that was up at the crack of dawn getting kids dressed and ready!  Love them...

We also won the Most Entertaining award for Fame... they looked like little kids when they announced their names... they were jumping up and down like crazy people :)  They sure were entertaining... I'm not really talking about on stage however!

This is just an amazing picture of Alyssa and Paige's duet... wow what a moment, huh?

These are my little "Boyfriend's Back" terds... could they be any cuter?  And they won Katie and I a choreography award... love them

Well, the divas won AGAIN.  I'm starting to think I may have to buy stock in Whitey's if these girls keep it up.  They seriously rocked it out this weekend and they were so proud of themselves.  They should have been proud- each of them won their solo divisions too.  Kayla took overall intermediate jr soloist and Paige took overall Elite jr soloist.  I make sure to let them know they're really not that good yet :)  Gotta keep them working hard...

Paige's solo to I Will Rise... gorgeous moment :)

Kayla's gorgeous baby face with her trophy after her win :)

These angels are "Hallelujah" and they won overall jr. small group of the weekend.  They were so unbelievably amazing.  The choreography by Miss Sara was breathtaking (it also won a choreography award).  They were beautiful as always :)

These little "terds" are Shake a Tailfeather and they won Petite Jr. duet/trio of the weekend.  They are so dang cute I can't even stand it!





And these big terd won Sr. duet/trio of the weekend... good work ladies

Here's just some fun pics from the professional photographer:

VEGAS!!!!

The Dance

Tangled Up In You

Our entire team, relishing in the glory of being so dang successful!  We're so proud of all of you girls!

Motivational Monday's

I'm going to try something called Motivational Monday's... I find so many quotes that I love and want to share... this seems like the best way :)

Here's the first:

It requires less character to discover the faults of others, than to tolerate them.

-J. Petit Senn

I love this quote.  Unfortunitely I have some trouble at times taking good old Senn's advice... I hate when people chomp their food near me; It drives me bonkers when people wait til the last minute to do thing; I dispise when people are inconsiderate of other people.  Honestly this list could go on forever... and growing up I'd make sure that EVERYONE knew when I disagreed with their faults because I'd point them out and try to convince them they were in the wrong.  As I'm growing up, I'm trying to be more tolerant... it's just not something I'm great at, but I'm putting this quote at the forefront of my mind at least for today. 


My mom always told me "If everyone were as great as you Kimberly, you wouldn't be special anymore"... I hope I'm as smart as her someday :)


Hope that you have a wonderfully motivating Monday

ATB should really stand for AMAZINGLY TALENTED BABIES!!!!

If you know me at all, you know that the weeks leading up to the first competition season tends to be a little rocky... I scream and yell and cry A LOT.  This year was different... it was still stressful, but I was so excited to see how far the kids had progressed and how ready they were for the competition. 

We traveled to Cedar Rapids (which my kids were super mad about because they thought we were going to See The Rabbits), and competed our 63 dances of track and elite dancers.  We won diamond after diamond and placed in the top 5 over and over again.  Every time I thought the kids couldn't dance any better they proved me wrong.  I have never been so proud! 

Honestly they danced super well, and the awards were awesome, but the best part of the weekend was seeing how all of the families came together.  We all sat together, ate lunch and dinner together, laughed and celebrated together... it was something I've never experienced before: pure excitement for being there.  There was no drama, no crabbing, it was honest to goodness a celebration for the entire team's accomplishments. 

Here's a picture of our RIDICULOUS team at the awards ceremony on Sunday night... they're so dang funny :)

As I returned home late Sunday night, I celebrated our team and prepared for this next weekend in which we have yet another competition.  Although I'm certain exhaustion will soon set in, it's so worth it to see these kids soar to new heights.  I LOVE MY JOB!!!!

Here's some more pictures of the weekend:

Here's our gorgeous elite team (well most of them are in this picture...) We unfortunitely didn't get pics of all their costumes because they were in a different costume every other second.  They won Diamonds for all numbers except 2 and placed in the top 5 for small groups and WON senior large group for their dance Fame.  The outfit they're in here is Tangled Up In You.  They were all AMAZING!

My God Put The Rhythm In Me kids... they're the funniest, silliest and most hard working kids ever.  They performed this piece with so much passion and heart, it honestly made my heart overflow with joy to watch their hardwork pay off... they're SO great!

My children were SO well behaved this weekend... Sam was dressed as a cowboy, running around with the girls and having the time of his life.  Maicey thought she was such a big help to Mama... I loved every moment of spending the weekend with them.  A special thank you to my husband Rob for making it a possibility to have my inspiration and support team with me during the weekend... it made it so much better to have them there to celebrate with me!!!

This is our Kayla :)  She just came to our studio a few years ago and she has brought nothing but sunshine to our lives since.  she works her tiny little butt off every single day she's at the studio and it sure has paid off.  Miss Kayla won overall junior solos doing her gorgeous lyrical dance to Cinderella.

The name of this duet is "divas"... I'm not so sure I could have come up with a more appropriate name for a duet with these two sas-a-frasses.  Kayla and Paige are 9 and 10, and they are dancing a duet that many 17 and 18 year olds couldn't do.  They have a natural God given talent and a work ethic to go with it. 

Me and these terds made a bet before they danced that if it was up to my standards I'd go get them ice cream.... They won Junior Duet overall, so I guess I better get them to DQ asap... 

Once these three terds heard about my promise to Kayla and Paige they threw a fit.  I'm telling you these girls have been dancing with me since they were like 5 years old.  They're now 15 and amaze me every single day.  I adore watching them perform this trio "Nothing Compares 2 U" because it's so graceful and passionate and beautiful.  It's also very serious which cracks me up because when they're not competiting, you'll find them making fools of themselves in a hallway somewhere :)  I guess I do owe them ice cream as they one Senior Trio...



So that's Symposium weekend in a nutshell... it was amazing in every way possible.  Who's ready for round 2????   Let's get it ATB!